Johnny Be Good (Imperative)

Having been diverted for such a long while by the trivia of politics and international current affairs, I return to the issue most important to the average British subject in the run up to a general election: will the storylines on Eastenders be good enough to distract us from the general unseemlyness of the workings of democracy? We must remind the BBC that if offending people is not a good use of license money, boring the extremities of them is bad form too.
So imagine my joy when the resurrection men in the script department dug up someone who was last in Walford when Pat could still get paid for sex. Lucky for her she lives in a totally fictional part of London rather than Whitechappel, or she'd clearly have been dodging the Ripper at the time. And he's not just another comedy pensioner to get in to scrapes with Jim Brannin' while Patrick gets over Paul, he a gangster, a real gangster! It has been an omission nigh on as great as the almost total lack of ethnic minorities (no one in Walford ever gets a Chinese takeaway, there's no kebab shop, there's no constantly shutting down varying ethnic food restaurant, what part of London is this meant to be?) that Walford has failed to attract a genuine bad boy since the Mitchell boys left, and even in the heyday of Tweedlebald and Tweedlebalder the gangstahs only popped in to knock heads together.
But Johnny Allen is so bad even rubber faced sulk merchant Andy Crapgangsta wont mess. Having drafted in hench in the form of the Itinerant Bad Cousins found in The Borrowers storeroom, who helpfully have provided Alfie with a big boy contact and partner in despair of them and dropped them Nanna and all into an obligation to him, lets hope the scriptwriters follow through and give us something really juicy. After all, we know Den's for the chop one way or another, so why stint us? Here's my most hoped for storyline.
Chrissie and her lawyer pal Amanda sign the Vic over to Chrissie and Den in joint names. The Moonhench, obviously more working for Johnny than Andy out of affection for their testicles, help Johnny help Patrick and Alfie (who by this time probably manages the club for him and agonizes about developing a blindspot for drugs) stitch Andy up with the people who killed Paul and gets him 'disappeared'. Chrissie exposes Den and Zoe's little secret at the Vow renewal, Amanda having written the vows to be retaken so they constitute automatic loss of half of everything if he's Den at all, and sells her half of the Vic to Johnny, who puts Alfie back in as manager and refuses to buy out Den's half or sell his to Den. Chrissie then shacks up with Johnny, as she likes a bad boy and doesn't seem to mind a few wrinkles, until he dumps her for Pauline Fowler, Pat being otherwise engaged copping off with Charlie and preparing to help him raise Zoe's baby when she inevitably takes to the hills when Sharon returns married to Miniden. Chrissie then leaves the square more humiliated than Den could ever have managed. As soon as the ink is dry on the paperwork is dry, Peggy and a Phil return, glad to see Johnny, the only one bad enough to keep Phil safe, livid with Sam, and positively hiving to see Den behind the bar of 'Miah Pub'. However when they find out old friend Johnny owns half and has Den in a metaphorical headlock, they rejoice, and Phil sets about trying to make it look to Johnny like Den is fiddling him out of money. Johnny has Den taken apart for spare parts onscreen just to make sure he can't come back. Den has left his half of the Vic to Sharon, who returns married to Miniden but unaware old uncle Johnny was the one who had him killed or that ex Phil was the one who made it so. Phil spends weeks hinting and baiting Miniden that he is responsible, but Sharon won't believe Miniden, so Phil and Miniden have a fight into which Sharon intercedes on behalf of Phil, so she and Miniden split up. Just after they've formally adopted Babyden from a "after the way I hurt you I owe you a baby" Zoe (by post), further complicating their family tree. Sharon goes for custody, fails, and leaves the square in a taxi. Again.
And so the cycle continues. Like sand in the trainers go the days of their lives.....