Wednesday

Foxes With Guns

Another beautiful day for world insanity! This time our dear friend and moving target Mr. Blair has given us a beach full of dead whales and dolphins sized gift. You CAN kill a burglar! I checked immediately to see if I truly did now have a blackbelt in a particularly nasty martial art to compensate for my shortness, girlyness and complete lack of balance, but found that I had misunderstood. Of course, if the government did give out free superpowers, the waiting list would be horrendous.
the nice dancing lady on the news explained that this is Tony "clarifying" the law on self defense on your property. So, given that you CAN kill a burglar (!), and you can't hunt foxes with dogs, what do you do in the following situation? Being utterly wet and a weed, you have bought a large dog to guard your home and deal with intruders. In your area there have been a spate of breakins through garage doors, and in the night you hear a noise outside your house, in your garden. It could be a burglar, or it could be a fox going for the dustbins. Can you let your dog out?
apparently it is legal to hunt foxes with guns. But how sure do you have to be that it's armed before you hunt it? Is mere intelligence enough? If the badgers give its set a wide berth, is that enough evidence? If the fox is terrorizing other foxes? Is fox on fox violence becoming an epidemic in the innercities?
It seems to be that you can kill a burglar, but you can't shoot him while he's running away, but you can shoot a fox if it's running away, but you cant make it run away by setting a dog on it, but you can make a burglar run away by setting a dog on it.
In order to help me decide whether to buy a dog or a shotgun, would the prime minister care to "clarify" his position on the following pests and threats:

Taxi drivers
Members of the Royal family and their dogs
Paparazzi
Bill Posters
People in neon vests who want to talk to you about giving them your bank account details
People who want to offer you £200 of beauty treatments for £40 in return for your card details
Kamikaze bus drivers
Feral Children
Gordon Brown
Max Clifford
Jordan (possible exception under dog on dog violence legislation?)
Madonna
Asylum seekers/immigrants (for the benefit of Tory landowners who employ illegal gangmasters)
People who walk very very very slowly on Oxford St.
Human Rights Lawyers
Judges
Paris Hilton

And a CDO to the right honorable gentleman. You're fooling no one.



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