WITCH-Scmipod

I have just acquired the most wonderful thing. It's a form of personal music player. It's about a centimetre and a half wider than an IPod, but otherwise no larger or heavier. It's slick and silver and sexy, but ultimately customizable with Swaroffski crystal if that's what floats your boat. It has a little soft pouch to nestle in so it's beauty is not bespoiled. You can get any kind and colour of headphones for it, rather than those "mug me, I've got an IPod" white ones. It has a lovely little clip on remote.It has absolutely infallible anti-shock, potential for continuous play without having to restart it at all, it's re-chargeable, with 68hrs battery life off a charge up. And it is not possible to press the wrong button (or for whatever it is in your bag that unlocks your phone and makes new entries in you phone book under '.#**........0000' to press the button) and erase it's entire contents, which is my biggest fear about MP3.
It's far easier to obtain tracks for my new toy too. You don't require a computer, like for an MP3 player, and you can-without any extra cables or brand new technology- record from any format right back to vinyl, unlike Minidisc which requires an analogue/digital converter. Cartridges are available for it which are cheap, light, and take up to 100min of stuff, which is 25min more than the average CD. When you buy pre-recorded stuff, it's the cheapest format around. You can get comedy, music, and great novels read out by the author or great actors of our time. You can even rent these recordings absolutely free from your local library for three weeks at a time, unlike even videos which you get for a week tops.
It is the latest incarnation of a cultural icon, a defining moment in consumer technology and the individual's experience of reality. It is the Coca~Cola Bottle, it is the Levi's 501, it is the Robert's Radio, the Smeg fridge, the Chupa-Chup. And like Paganism, it was here first.
Bow down and worship before it, ipodophiles:

The Sony Walkman.