Become An Expert

According to this morning's BBC Breakfast News an electoral expert has told Michael Howard that there is no way the Tories can win the next election. Anyone wishing to shell out huge sums of money being told similarly obvious things can pay by credit card on my new website www.noshitsherlock.co.uk. Here's a freebie: he heard this before he took out the add in the Telegraph. On Saturday I was as puzzled as Tony Blair and Charles Kennedy must have been. In fact if I'd been Charlie I'd have been ringing round my mates to make sure it wasn't someone's idea of a joke. Surely it's too good to be true that he'd hand over every last scrap of chance in hell he had left in such a pretty package? It makes a good argument for party funding to come from the public purse; I'd love to think I'd helped pay for Howard to shoot himself in the foot like that, and maybe not having to rely on donations for favours would encourage him to aim a little higher next time. Or lower depending on which way up he was hanging on the curtain rail at the time.
Now of course it all makes sense. Knowing that even people he's paying to help him win are telling him he can't has meant he's decided to say bollocks to it and muddy the water as much as possible for everyone else. The Telegraph's on an abortion crusade at the moment, so see if he doesn't make a sprightly batlike leap onto that bandwagon by next Sunday (that'll be photo op at his parish church about 10.30am paparatty types). He's trying to raise issues he thinks the others wont have much to say about. This one fell a little flat, because even if there is an argument for a more organized approach to the world refugee problems that come up, it seems a touch more morally acceptable if we agree proportions of the total number that we're prepared to take, rather than a capped total for the year. The devil in this issue is in the detail, because even the finest principles can go for a burton between the podium and the training manual for border controls, so that also takes the wind out of the soundbite sails somewhat.
So Michael, let me sit you down and explain some things to you. Tony and Charles may disagree with you, they may agree with you, but they're not going to make immigration, abortion, stem cell research, the relationship with America, the European constitution et cetera et cetera election issues. They will not rise to it. Tony because he hasn't got anything constructive to say, and Charles because he's not that bloody stupid. There is no way either of them is going to back themselves into another foxhunting situation. Just because a few people who make a lot of noise say something is an issue does not mean the majority, who understand the range of views even if they don't agree with them, will be happy about a definite moral statement from the government, let alone a change in law. These are moral issues, and as such they have very little place in politics, and even less in electioneering. There is no way you will be thanked for raising the temperature on these subjects and scuppering any chance of sensible debate on them.
There, now you owe me £50,000.