Power To The People!

Black and white scarf wearers of the world unite! (Readers please note this does not include fans of Grimsby Town football team. You can all stay in your corners) Dig out your berets and Che t-shirts! Physically chastise yourself or get on with your homework if you don't get the references! As the sales figures for Xmas come out, it seems we won. The stores started Xmas in August, so we all pretended we hadn't noticed and weren't going to buy anything until right up to the very last moment, so the stores dropped their prices and we jumped out wielding cards going "Ha ha!" and bought the stuff we would have bought anyway. Or we spent it in small, new shops, or at the supermarket. We said no to matching out party frocks with an even covering of bruises from the Oxford St scrum for overpriced crap, we said a box from Lush for grandma, we said "Ten-for-that-you-must-be-mad!" And the shops said "OK, sir and madam. We are worms, you are the gods of fate and doom."
We'll have to wait for next year to find out if the shops respond by playing down the excessive glutton baiting out of respect for the rest of us, or if they just start with even higher prices so they don't lose too much in the sales. It was this thought that made me wonder: if we all clubbed together in the same way, could we pull the same coup off with the General Election? There are similarities. The build up to the election has already begun, so that's a five month run up, the political parties roll out the celebrities for new special advertising campaigns, and everyone is promised plenty and joy and satisfaction that will never be lived up to by either the moment of opening the shiny red box to find a freakish collection of very limited motion action figures inside, especially as it seems you always get the bad guys, or the subsequent reality of playing with them.
So this year, if you are asked who you will be voting for, focus on a point just above the questioner's right ear and muse as convincingly as possible about possibly voting Green, Natural Law, or if your sense of humour stretches to it, UKIP. Skirt around the idea that you may not vote at all, or "Will probably vote Lib Dem just to be on the safe side." (This being the equivalent of shopping at Tescos, which now that they "really do do just about everything", apparently lots of us did..... Loony Results Prediction Tool #1). Make it clear that you wont go for Labour or the Tories unless you really really have to, especially not at this time of year. You don't have to mean a word of it, of course. But if we put the wind up House of Fraiser and Self.... Labour and the Tories, sorry, might raise their offers. This would either give us what we want, or expose them, giving Tescos the opportunity to get a foot in in the, say, policies market.
Just don't forget to actually vote in the end. Come on, you apes! You want to live forever?