Whilst pondering this I strike my head sharply on the ground.

Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best, and:

Give up any delusions of normality you may have. Sooner or later everyone is the minority.

Remember: if it's not a cock up, it's a conspiracy. There's no other effective way of getting things done.

"They" deserve everything they get, but the people who decide who they are are usually more they than them.

An apparent free lunch is a cast iron guarantee you have been ripped off previously.

When beginning a sentence "You'd think...", remember if they did think you probably wouldn't need to say it.

If the Romans hadn't done it for us, someone else would have sooner or later.

If you want it to go away, don't try to ban it.

Don't be afraid to call an arsehole an arsehole, regardless of what gender, sexuality, colour, religion or physical condition they are in. Thinking "they" can't be as crap as "us" is just prejudice.

Remember rules are there to make your life more stressful, not to make the busses run on time. Rules make everyone's life equally difficult, fascists make the busses run on time. There's never a halfway point.

Don't imagine 'supply and demand' means the shops stock what you want or need. They supply it and demand you be bankrupt and hypothermic or so last season...

Don't waste money on a TV guide. Eastenders is Mon-8, Tue-7.30 (except tonight), Thur -7.30, Fri-8. There's very seldom anything else on.

Those who really need help never qualify for it.

Just because someone persecutes you or makes your life a misery because of their principles doesn't mean they can live by them.

If you think you've found a bright side of life to look on, tell all your friends. They will point out to you where you're going wrong.