Strictly Loving It

Despite my pre-season favorite Siobhan going out in the first week in an outrageous travesty of justice (honestly, look what happens when you let people vote, f'rcryin'outloud), I'm having the time of my li-ee-ife watching Strictly.
The dresses have, with one or two exceptions, vastly improved from last season, and lets all give thanks to whatever we believe in that Gloria Hunniford made it a condition that hers "covered what they had to cover". I always had her down in my mental filing system in under the same heading as 'The Daily Mail' and 'People Who Really Really Love The Royal Family' and 'Coronation Street' (well ITV in general if I'm honest. The Bill, Poirot and Inspector Morse re-runs do not a channel make). Now she's been re-filed under 'Self-Aware Cheese' with a 'Niiiiiiiice' stamp on her file for the comment about not wanting to look "absolutely desperate" like Esther Rantzen did last year. Go Gloria! Still glad she's out though. She was boring me.
It's just great to have something to bitch about! It's less perpetual and schedule-troubling than Big Brother, but you can get a daily fix if you're home early enough. And you already know the people before they 'go in', so you have far more joy in seeing them fail or succeed. Now initially, as I said, I was rooting for Siobhan, but due to the 'Kind Of People Who Watch GMTV' who escaped when I let Gloria out of the cupboard, we woz robbed. So the next week I voted for Colin Jackson. I thought he was going to impress me the way Denise did last year. He looked so proper and unmincey doing the cha cha and the quickstep. But last weekend I was utterly unimpressed. Yes, it was a latin jive as opposed to the more rock and roll lindyhop variety, but after his acrobatics in training and at the end of the quickstep, I have to say I had high hopes. So I was left with a dilemma over who to vote for. I was equally impressed by both Patsy "Little Donkey" Palmer and Darren "Rhino" Gough. In the end I waited to see which one scored higher, then voted for the one who did least well so as to even it up. I hadn't liked Darren the first couple of weeks, but it was an improvement. I hadn't envisioned voting for Patsy because, well, because, you know? But I am open to being convinced in her case. And in any case, yon Anton somewhat resembles Rob Brydon, which must be a good thing. Anyway, it might make a bit more of a lady of her. Mind you, it does seem to be encouraging her fake tan usage, and can I say to any Ginggers reading this NEVER USE FAKE TAN. There is only so much orange a person can look at in one go.
Mind you, wor Dennis managed to pull it off on Saturday. Isabella's outfit was one of those exceptions I was talking about, but Dennis, well! For a man of his age to be able to pull off the dances in a respectably non-camp style, jive better than a lot of the young 'uns and look good in an orange shirt? What a guy! Deep Shine has been voting for Dennis all the way through (he are snoo-ker loo-py), and although he's not quite made the cut for my vote yet, he may still. He appears to be losing weight, and all this activity can only be good for his health. I hear mutterings that a certain person is bored of snooker, so can we expect you on the floor next year Ronnie?
Now, Who I Don't Like:
Hag-faced deadweight lazy whinging no talent Fiona. It's got to go, it really has. It's just spoiling it for everyone else. She's as tacky as fresh tar and I hold her personally responsible for Siobhan going out. I favour the beeb in the morning, so I wasn't aware of how much I didn't like her. I was also laboring under the delusion that Bill Turnbull was a fairly ok sort, but having watched him 'off script' as it were, I have to say I no longer think so. I'm not sure quite why exactly, but I suspect him of being a bad man. Add to this that his partner resembles one of the daft slags off Desperate Housewives, and they'll not be getting a vote off me any time soon.
I didn't like Jaye and 'Zorro' much, and I was glad they went early. She'd obviously really seriously pissed off someone in the BBC wardrobe department, as they seemed hellbent on making her look as fat as was humanly possible. Between that and Andrew's pigeon chest and naff facial hair it was just too cringeworthy to watch. James the chef would be better if he was less visibly perving over his partner, and Will gives me nightmares because he looks like a scary ventrilloquist's dummy come to life. I suspect his head rotates all the way round.
The one I REALLY object to is Zoe Ball.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST THE CHEATING OLD SLAPPER BE ALLOWED TO WIN.
She can dress herself up all pretty and point her little toes and pretend she's all good and everything, but she can never change the fact that she had an affair and bought shame, SHAME on the good name of Johnny Ball, pissed all over her marriage regardless of having a child, put poor simple Norman through the hurt of an affair and the embarrassment of the whole world knowing his wife was having it away behind his back with some Z-list Good Face For Radio, and now she's blatantly flirting with and frankly rubbing herself all over that Ian, gazing into his eyes and dancing to tunes like 'Part Time Lover'. Just exactly how much is her husband supposed to take? It's bad enough for us having to watch her all over the guy like fake tan on chav. She just couldn't be any more blatant. It's embarrassing in the same way watching a Breezer-drunk eighteen year old Essex girl trying to chat up your dad would be embarrassing. I think she's doing it on purpose. I reckon she decided a little while ago that she was done with Mr. Slim, and is plotting to explosively bust up her marriage two-thirds of the way through the series to get votes, which she will achieve by making it look like nasty husband was all "unreasonably" jealous. Well I don't care how well she dances. Every time I see her in my head I hear that Irish nurse from AbFab saying "That's that old slag from the papers!" AND I WANT IT OFF MY TELLY.

I also want that dress she was wearing on Saturday, with the accessories.

And I want to meet Brucey. To See You.....

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!