Mother Of 17 Year Old Preganant Girl Does Not Get Way On Sex Advice To Teens.

Judge Tells Bad Mother He Will Not Condemn Vulnerable Girls For Her Stupidity

Finally a victory for common sense over unthinking grim Northern chavvery! Or as Sue no doubt puts it "They can't do that can they? It jus' isn' right. It's against Gawd's law it is. You shud tew youw muvver everyfing, speshally if youw finking of not keepin youw li''le bayebey. We'd hewp you, luv, and youw get aw those benefi's. And aw youw friends have bayebeys, you wanna fit in dahn't you?"

And from the ever logical Pro-Life Alliance (now picketing old people's homes near you and throwing acid at undertakers):

Anti abortion group The Pro Life Alliance said it was staggering a young girl could "end the life of another human being without her parents knowing anything about it."

Yeah, cos the first thing you do after you kill someone is tell your mum.

Children are innocent and precious and must be protected.

The Truth Is 'Out' There, Mfanwi

We'll Show You What We Can Do With A Load Of Balls And A Snooker Cue

'S eight o'clock in the morning. 'M at work. Jus' went past Warren Street on the bus and thought, 'Hey, I was only just here six hours ago.'
'S Masters final las' night, las' one at Wemmerbly, classic match the little man, wassname Parrott, possibly, can't remember, too tired, the little man said. Had the little earpieces to hear the commentary, got a program, saw Dennis Taylor (You're my favorite!) and Parrott walking down the road on our way to the venue, got a souvenir mug for lovely husband, everything (except Ronniestyle I Love Snooker t-shirt, of which they had sold out. Russum). Very exciting match. Went aaaaall the way to a decider, very exciting, very late, very annoyed nasty Higginses stole the precious from Ronnie (10-9, 64-60 in the last frame scored like so: Ronnie gets 60, misses one ball and chubby t'iefed the match).
Very lucky to catch the last tube. To Baker Street. To walk aaaaaaall the way from Baker Street to Warren Street in the very very cold, then get a bus home and get in and look at the clock and say, "I have to be up in four hours."

Ronnie behaves self suspiciously well (You're My favorite!).

'S FUCKIN' BRILLIANT! So doing it again next year!

In other news:

Lib Dems Steerpiked again by 'Homo-Affairsgate'.

Government announce plans to allow up to two Liberal Democrat MPs to set up house together.

Kennedy wishes he'd kept his mouth shut another couple of weeks. Wee snifter doesnae seem so bad now, does it big man?

You're My favorite!

As the closing lines of 'To Be A Pilgrim' roll on, sounding for all the world like the voice of Death in the Discworld novels, the headmistress takes her place at the lectern.

Right, boys and girls. After the unpleasantness of last week I'm sure you are all aware of the need to appoint a new head of Centre House. This will be Menzies Campbell, there will be no argument about this, and he will only be referred to as Ming The Merciless to members of the other Houses, not amongst the other prefects of Centre House or by the first years. Right, that's that.

Secondly, with regard to the aforementioned nastiness, and with regard to the absolutely disgraceful behavior witnessed in the prefects' common room afterward, the following boys will be outside my office at four PM. We don't like sneaks here, and we don't tolerate smugness. Blair, Steerpike, we have already searched your locker Steerpike, and Hughes', so take that look off your face, Hughes, Oaten, Huhne.

That will be all.

If You Only Read One Book This Year...

" The next page went:

Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

It goes "Hruuugh!"

It is a hippopotamus!

That's not my cow!

Sam Vimes liked doing the Hruuugh! But he said to himself: This is getting daft! This is no way to find your cow!

So he said to young Sam:

"If you lose your cow you should report this to the Watch under the Domestic & Farmyard Animals (Lost) Act of 1809. They will swing into action with keenness and speed. Your cow will be found. If it has been impersonating other animals, it may be arrested. If you are a stupid person, do not look for your cow yourself. Never try to milk a chicken, it hardly ever works." "